Sport - Fiction

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Me - Frankie Sidebottom - Michael McColl In a book that is as far removed from political correctness as it's reasonably possible to get, the story of Frankie Sidebottom, professional footballer, unfolds. As remarkable for its sustained attack on English grammar, punctuation and spelling - footballers are, it has to be said, sometimes not the most educated of men - as it is for its ruthless exposure of the foibles, weaknesses and eccentricities of its subject breed, it is really quite outrageous in so many ways. However, it is funny, often very funny indeed and quite capable of reducing its readers to helpless, shoulder-shaking, side-splitting laughter. Buy it, read it and then try to watch the noble game of Association Football without thinking of all those real-life Frankie Sidebottoms who have made a living from the game over the years. It might even be a life-changing experience! (about 17,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

On The Back Page Today... - Various Writers Sporting contests have been with us almost as long as manking has been able to walk upright. Writing about sport, and arguing about what has been written, has been a pleasant occupation for almost as long. In this book we've collected together some interesting, you might even say idiosyncratic, stories about sport from a glittering array of writers, covering a diverse range of subjects including cricket, football (even including Partick Thistle!) and the ancient Olympics. If you want to contribute your own story just let us know. (about 30,000 words) Price: £3.00 Quantity:

0-200, $3m - Alan Beardmore The annual 24 hour race at Le Mans in France has always been a popular event, whether it has been a stand-alone race at the autocratic whim of the Automobile Club de l'Ouest or as part of a recognised championship. It is a long, testing race on a long, fast circuit. Imagine what would happen if the Americans decided that they could stage an event that would be the same, but bigger and better. It would have to be faster, of course, and longer. If 24 hours was enough for the French, the Americans might opt for 48 hours. This is the story of just such a race, told uniquely from the perspective of one team, and more specifically from the sponsor's viewpoint. It makes for an exciting, fast-paced novel, laced with plenty of humour and the sort of lusty goings-on that we all suspect are happening behind the scenes - there must be a reason why so many glamorous young ladies are attracted to this high-octane sport, mustn't there? Alan Beardmore has crafted a thoroughly readable story against a background which is a notoriously difficult setting for good fiction. We applaud his approach heartily and recommend the successful result! (about 54,000 words) Price: £3.50 Quantity:

The Grudge Match: Ya Buggers! - Torquil Cowan 'The Grudge Match: Ya Buggers!' is a book about cricket. More specifically, it's about the age-old rivalry between England and Australia which is played out regularly on the cricket pitches of those nations. But this book is set in the English West Midlands. Yes, it features cricketers from England and Australia, but there are players from other countries too drafted in to compete in a specially arranged 'international' to be played at possibly the worst cricket ground on the planet between a team of 'Englishmen', captained by the odious Antony Pottinger - slum landlord and local BNP chairman - and a team from Australia and other former colonies, captained by the equally odious Greg Patterson - one-eyed proud Australian possessed of a glass eye and an incontinent bull terrier. In a gloriously funny tale that's a long way from being 'politically correct' the author pokes fun at many a deserving target; the English suffer more than most at his hands. It's a more than worthy companion to the same author's 'Cup Fever' - both are outrageously funny and highly recommended! (about 20,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

Cup Fever - Torquil Cowan Condensed from the same author's "Three Hours: The Grants' Evening Out", "Cup Fever" tells the story of little Wednesford Town Football Club's evening in the spotlight, when they drew mighty Tottenham Hotspur in the Cup. The internal workings of an impoverished lower-league football club may have little in common with the household names from the Premier League, but Wednesford Town might as well be on a different planet.... Their stadium, named Pork Park in honour of the Chairman's lifetime's dedication to the turning of aging pork into almost-edible pies and sausages, is crumbling, weeds grow on the pitch, the trainer makes his own linament and the boardroom serves only tea in crockery that only just qualifies as 'seconds'. Into this environment the visitors' directors come, feeling that they are in an alien world. Then things really start to go awry. Wednesford's star player, Gary Grant, is injured, but has to play anyway. Accidents and fisticuffs mean that the buffet, and an awful lot of tea, ends up on the boardroom carpet. The dimmest player in the team, probably the dimmest in the entire league and who needs to be checked before every match to ensure that he's put his shorts on and his boots are on the right feet, manages to destroy the club's laundry facilities - before the match even starts. Why is it that the Spurs directors arrive, smartly attired, in a helicopter yet leave by train in fancy dress? Why does Gary Grant end the evening clutching a Lutheran Bible and a brown envelope containing £50,000? Why is Grant's agent rushed to hospital after drinking lucozade? The answers to these questions - and many more - are in this side-splittingly funny book - the funniest you'll read this year. (about 19,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

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