Humour eBooks

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Life! - Les Broad It's often been said that the British don't complain. Maybe that used to be true - what wasn't accepted with a 'stiff upper lip' was received uncomplainingly with typical British diffidence. But even the British are becoming more aware that good service makes life a happier experience: bad service, general incompetence and uncaring attitudes take away a lot of the joy of living. In this book there are many examples of the use of humour in complaining - sometimes it's successful, at other times a miserable failure. But whatever the outcome, you'll enjoy this singular example of English eccentricity in full flow! (about 35,000 words) Price: £3.00 Quantity:

Monet Or Your Life - Linda Lawrie Doug Shovell is a private detective. But whereas Sam Spade and the others were hard-boiled, Shovell is hard-up! He gets little reward for the work he does, but always tries to satisfy both his clients and his craving for curry. As most of his clients come from the Indian and Asian population of Walsall in the West Midlands, he never goes short of the odd Balti and onion barghee, along with poppadoms and naan bread. In these excellent short stories by Linda Lawrie we follow the adventures of the erstwhile PI as he takes on the might of the KGB, FBI and CIA. Oh yes, don’t be fooled by those acronyms as they’re not what you’re thinking they are. If you want to find out, read the stories. Shovell often finds himself in awkward situations, but always manages to extricate himself, even if he doesn’t always get paid! If you like your detective stories with a tinge of humour and complete lack of the dreaded political correctness, then these are highly recommended. In fact, we’d like to see Linda develop this excellent character further. Great stuff from a very accomplished wordsmith. (about 21,000 words) Price: £3.00 Quantity:

Me - Frankie Sidebottom - Michael McColl In a book that is as far removed from political correctness as it's reasonably possible to get, the story of Frankie Sidebottom, professional footballer, unfolds. As remarkable for its sustained attack on English grammar, punctuation and spelling - footballers are, it has to be said, sometimes not the most educated of men - as it is for its ruthless exposure of the foibles, weaknesses and eccentricities of its subject breed, it is really quite outrageous in so many ways. However, it is funny, often very funny indeed and quite capable of reducing its readers to helpless, shoulder-shaking, side-splitting laughter. Buy it, read it and then try to watch the noble game of Association Football without thinking of all those real-life Frankie Sidebottoms who have made a living from the game over the years. It might even be a life-changing experience! (about 17,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

Harry, Sandy And The Zandron - Len Cooke Take one ordinary Detecive Inspector from London's Metropolitan Police, a stunning young lady called Sandy who claims to be an alien from a far-distant planet and a time machine which looks like a toilet cubicle from a motorway service area. Mix them with a foot-obsessed (you'll see why!) speaking portable computer and the alien planet's secret police and the result is a science fiction story which even Douglas Adams would have been proud of. Starting in the tranquillity of Cumbria the action moves swiftly: orange juice features strongly, but only because it's poisinous to the aliens, as does a truly intriguing slave auction (in London, in the future) before the secret police are finally outwitted (probably). But things are never quite as rosy as they might at first appear.... This is a book you just have to read! (about 57,000 words) Price: £4.50 Quantity:

The Really Corny Joke Compendium - Edward Lacey What's a really corny joke? Probably one you first heard years ago that wasn't very funny even then, but which has since acquired a sort of 'classic' status. Now, here's a book full of them. OK, so some might actually be quite new, but then others had their best years when they were making our great-grandparents snigger. In the nature of jokes generally, some are a little bit rude, but there's nothing here to cause any real offence. What there is, though, is enough material to destroy anyone's reputation as a sensible human being, to bring ridicule down upon the reader's head should he repeat any of the jokes - in short, it's a whole lot of stuff we all laugh at but would never, ever admit to enjoying. Dare you take the risk of reading it all? Go on, be brave! (about 21,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

Dino's True Humour Compendium - Gerald Sables After the release of 'The Really Corny Joke Compendium' there was a huge, echoing clamour for us not to do it again. We resisted those strident calls for abstinence, found a (more or less) willing volunteer to do the work and here's the result. Is it as corny as the original? Oh yes. Will it make its readers laugh? It should do, because when this material first saw the light of day audiences found it funny so now, several generations later, a whole new audience should appreciate it! Go on, take the risk - buy it! (about 18,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

More Really Corny Jokes - Michael McColl Ever wondered what a corny joke actually is? Well, wonder no more, because here's a book full of the things. All the usual suspects are here in a worthy successor to The Really Corny Joke Compendium and Dino's True Humour Compendium, but this time they've been collected, chuckled over and collated by Michael McColl, self-confessed joke addict and full time professional Village Idiot. Be warned - the humour in this book is by and large clean and innocuous, but does not drink at the fountain of political correctness. It is a joy for those of us who've discovered that we are all, every one of us, the butt of somebody's joke so you might as well laugh at youself as well as everybody else. Once you've discovered that simple fact you'll enjoy this book (and probably repeat much of it in the pub even though we'd prefer your mates to buy their own copy) and by doing so you'll be contributing towards the cancer centre at our local hospital - Ysbyty Glan Clwyd, or Glan Clwyd Hospital for those wanting its English title, in North Wales. In that context it's got to be £2.50 well spent, hasn't it? (about 18,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

Tales Of The Old Waterloo - Allan Barham People from all over Great Britain and beyond know Wales from holidays and day trips, and Tales of the Old Waterloo, by Allan Barham, tells of his family's struggle during the 1960's to re-open a monstrous and derelict hotel in the village of Betws-y-Coed, a beauty spot known by tourists the world over, and the home of some remarkable eccentrics. The marvellous stories the author tells, like 'The night of the hiss and boom' ... 'The dog, the plank, and the cycle race' ... and... 'The amateur dramatics disaster' - are all true. 'Fawlty Towers' has enjoyed deserved accolades as an example of how not to run a hotel, but, as is so goriously recounted in this book, the Waterloo proved that truly awful hotels existed long before Torquay's finest earned its reputation! (about 35,000 words) Price: £3.00 Quantity:

Laughing Matter - Various Writers At Deunant Books we have many very fine writers and among those writers are several who have mastered the art of being funny. We know too that out in the big wide world there are lots more people who could write funny stories and would if they thought there was any chance of other people seeing what they wrote. That's what 'Laughing Matter' is all about - giving everybody a chance to show their work around the world. So come and join the fun! Buy the book and have a go - what's the worst that can happen? But this might just be the start, and who knows where it might end! (about 18,000 words) Price: £3.00 Quantity:

Box Number Secrets - Cat Morley Have you ever wondered why people put those 'lonely heart' ads in newspapers? Or what happens when other people reply to them? Cat Morley placed just such an ad - in fact she placed a whole series of ads, then recorded the outcome in this occasionally cautionary but otherwise very funny first novel. Set in North East Scotland, it is written in an unusual style which suits the subject matter surprisingly well. The author has taken a subject that could so easily become tediously repetitive and kept it fresh, interesting, lively and amusing from the first word to the last. For those who appreciate something a little out of the ordinary, or who enjoy a chuckle from a book that slips down like the smoothest of Scotch whiskies, this book is just what you've been waiting for! We're just hoping that there'll be a sequel.... (about 25,000 words) Price: £3.00 Quantity:

Alimentary: Bricks, Suddenly - David Lovegrace If it were possible to take the best elements from Monty Python, The Goon Show and the writings of Spike Milligan and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle it would be, certainly, a potent mix. If the mixing was to be done by an erudite, legally qualified philosopher the end product would not be at all dissimilar to this book. It is funny, of that there is no doubt. It does not always kow-tow to political correctness but is none the worse for that, since some of the jokes pre-date the invention of that phenomenon (but, as they say, the old ones are the best). As well as the presence of some delightfully recycled material the book pulsates with much that is the new product of a singular mind; it is a laugh-out-loud book. The author is an unusual man who keeps his brain - which, for those who wish to know, is blue and lumpy - beside his computer. He likes to be able to watch his brain at work. (about 29,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

All About Us - Michael Raine Aline Deal is twelve, or thereabouts, and this is her autobiography. She wrote it herself. If we're being totally honest, 'All About Us' is Michael Raine's idea of what family life might be like seen through the eyes of a rather precocious twelve year old girl. It's carried off wonderfully well as the reader gets sucked into Aline's world; it really is difficult to remember that the words aren't those of the narrator! The book is funny from beginning to end, appealing to all who claim to have a sense of humour. We've included it in our books for children as, although it may be a little difficult for younger children, its appeal to any child with a sufficiently developed attention span is quite plain. It realy is a book that will appeal to, and amuse, all ages. (about 61,000 words) Price: £4.50 Quantity:

Agnes' Demons - Linda Lawrie Agnes Claricoats is a writer, although when she's writing she prefers to be called Fabriola Gainsborough; so much more glamorous! Her 900 page masterpiece was, though, serially rejected. That's why she decided to call up some support to help get it published. She decided to get the Devil, Old Nick himself, on her side. And she succeeded. Well, nearly. What she actually got was the Principal Secretary's Third Assistant. What foillows is a bizarre sequence of events which take Agnes, er, Fabriola, on a roller-coaster ride through the corridors of Hell. Really. Naturally, she has to die first, but thankfully her death isn't all that fatal; it is, though, the reason why another frustrated writer, Alfreda Spence, comes to be living in her house. When Alfreda finds the manuscript of Fabriola's masterpiece, well, that's when Agnes's troubles really do begin..... (about 17,000 words) Cover design by Packrat Productions Price: £3.00 Quantity:

Tales From The Broom Cupboard - Linda Lawrie Some jobs are high profile, jobs such as television presenter or perhaps being Prime Minister, others are less so and some are just about invisible but nonetheless essential. Fat Albert's job is one of the invisible ones, for he is a cleaner at a boarding school. This engaging and often very funny collection of short but interconnected stories proves, if any proof were needed, that cleaners are human too and that the comedy potential of any job is in inverse proportion to its profile. Colin, Shirley and, of course, Fat Albert take their work seriously, yet manage to raise more than a smile as they toil through their working day (Fat Albert, though, hasn't always been a cleaner...). This is an ebook that, once it is nestling comfortably on your computer, can be called on any time the spirits need to be raised - it's more effective than a prescription! (about 20,000 words) Cover design by Packrat Productions Price: £3.00 Quantity:

Barry The Badger And Friends - Marc Rowe It´s possible that you might be thinking about buying this book for your children, believing that a cute little book about a harmless if somewhat unfortunate Badger could provide an educational tool for your offspring. Well, you shouldn´t, because this book is full of filthy stories about a rather dim animal who will do nothing for the future of your kids, apart from upset them. Nevertheless, this book had to be published, because the life and times of young Barry and his village contemporaries really needed to be put to words. Never in the history of Badger life have the dwellers of a sett come across a badger as incredibly unfortunate as Barry. His whole being, as detailed in this book, has been plagued by disaster and devastation. Yet somehow, Barry plods on with his daily life, hoping and praying that it will all be okay in the end. You will notice that each story is exactly 101 words long. The reasons for this are twofold. The first reason is that the tedium of writing 101 words sends the author into a state of boredom to which the only remedy is a pint of Strongbow. The second reason is entirely symbolic, in that Barry has exactly 101 toes on his left paw. Read the stories, laugh at the poor badger´s string of bad luck, but don´t ever show this book to the kids. (about 5,000 words) Price: £2.00 Quantity:

New Hope For Rigor Mortis, Book 1 - Chris Bygrave The first volume of the ´Rigor Mortis´ trilogy, it includes the novella-length title story, plus others. The author´s style is distinctively unusual and his stories are variously bizarre, offbeat, macabre, - but they always have the ability to entertain and amuse. ´New Hope For Rigor Mortis´ itself is the story of a con-man who, through delightfully improbable circumstances, becomes a recruiter of furnace-stokers for Hell itself. That story is accompanied in this volume by ´Fantasy Number One´, the story of one young lady´s rise from fish-gutter to Queen, and ´Murderous Intent´, which explains why one young man possesses a pathological hatred of ballroom dancers! These stories, and those yet to appear in Books 2 and 3, may be idiosyncratic, but are a true joy. (about 17,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

New Hope For Rigor Mortis, Book 2 - Chris Bygrave The second volume of "New Hope For Rigor Mortis" continues exactly where the the first left off, presenting more unusual, and unusually funny, tales. 'Gorillas' introduces the novel concept of using highly trained gorillas as a secret weapon in the (fictitious!) Anglo-Swedish porn war. The outcome is, to say the least, unexpected. 'Wipeout' is more contemporary but it would be wrong to say that it's more in touch with reality: in fact, it's a story which takes a comic approach to exploring the nature of reality as viewed from an individual standpoint. 'The Magician', set in Prohibition America, uses its background very skilfully in taking a sideways look at the attitudes and ambitions of the day. This second volume, like its predecessor, leaves you wanting more. (about 28,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

New Hope For Rigor Mortis, Book 3 - Chris Bygrave The long-awaited third volume of Chris Bygrave's 'Rigor Mortis' trilogy contains stories that are just a surreal, just as funny, as its predecessors. There may, perhaps, be more hidden meaning in the stories in this volume though; 'Nappy And Wolfers' can be read that way, as can'Superbrain', for instance. But of one thing there can be no doubt - these are funny stories. 'You Can Tell Jokes On Mars' is a delightful piece of futuristic, science fiction humour which supposes that jokes, all jokes, must riducule somebody somewhere and are therefore politically incorrect. They are, therefore, summarily banned. But Mars, as a self-governing colony, is exempt. 'Fatso' is perhaps exactly the sort of story that might, in an extreme jurisdiction, be banned as being offensive. Yet it is a story told with a great deal of sympathy and humour; it would be impossible to be offended as the author's imagination runs wild. This third volume completes a fascinating, almost unique trilogy of stories that combine surrealism with outstandingly funny writing. We recommend them. (about 40,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

Bodily Disfunctions - Edward Lacey The author admits that he's enjoyed reasonably robust health over the years, but occasionally his body has malfunctioned. This is the story of those happenings, told in a way that is always funny and shows perfectly clearly that when it comes to the tolerance of pain the author doesn't have any. You'll see various hospitals from a wholly different perspective, through the eyes of a gibbering coward who'd rather be anywhere else than in the hands of the medical profession. There's blood, there's gore, there are accidents and a practical lesson on how to drive a very small Fiat when you can't bend your leg. Well, it might be useful to somebody! Of course, what's missing is sympathy. There's not a lot of that for someone who's so open about his cowardice in the face of pain! This delightful romp through several decades of healthcare is an utter, giggly delight from beginning to end. (about 20,000 words) Price: £2.00 Quantity:

The Prang Codex - Jay Holloway Let us, Dear Reader, travel back to a Past Time of Romance and Legend. To Merrie Olde Englande and a time of Courtly Love, Knightly Valour and Daily Disappointment. The time is roughly the mid-twelfth century; around eleven fifty-five (almost lunch-time, or maybe time for a late working brunch in a nice trendy brasserie). ’Tis an age perceived vaguely through the swirling mists of murky time as The Dark Ages, and with good reason, whether because of the dark and secret nefarious deeds common thereabouts, or more likely the totally ineffectual rush-torch type lighting system they were lumbered with, the invention of the fluorescent tube being a mere speck on the distant horizon of the map of human invention. In quite possibly the most medieval part of England is buried the sombre castle of the self-styled King Egbert The Bold, the last remaining independent Saxon Monarch in England, due to a very nifty loophole in the law which will come to our attention later in the tale, and a man who could teach Hereward the Wake a thing or two about survival in twelfth century Norman England. King Egbert, known behind his back as King Egbert the Basically-Bloody-Terrifying, due to his hair-trigger temper and huge bristling Saxon handle-bar moustache; his unsettling habit of shouting into people’s faces from uncomfortably-close range at incredible volume; and his ingenious schemes for extracting monies from serfs and lords alike with scant regard for status, wealth or means. For no-one, it seems, is safe from his grasping claws or his unerringly accurate on-board cash-location radar system. Against this backdrop of dark-age consciousness and medieval catering are played the tales of the misadventures of Wizard Prang, graduate of the Thaddeus Q Susquehannah Postal University by a scant one percent above the minimum pass mark, and unwilling patsy in the King’s various schemes to increase his personal wealth and general standing in the greater world beyond his boundaries, for, secretly, ‘tis the King’s fondest wish to become a Medieval Mogul, a force to be reckoned with, and an important player in the game of life upon the greater span of the World’s stage, if only he could secure an influential honorary appointment at the Plantagenet Court alongside the new King Henry II, a monarch, ‘tis rumoured, with a temper to match his own. Wizard Prang, that walking testimonial to the woeful level of competence required to achieve a Susquehannah Diploma, and living embodiment of the difficult technique of snatching defeat from the very jaws of success. Read, enjoy! (about 106,000 words) Price: £5.00 Quantity:

Three Hours: The Grants' Evening Out - Torquil Cowan What do you think the following might have in common: a talented footballer just about to be the subject of a big-money transfer, a run-down church building in the Scottish highlands, an American tourist, a college lecturer with some bizarre ideas, a short-skirted temptress, a helicopter and a Jamaican taxi driver? Well, they all appear in this glorious romp through lower-league football, slotting together seamlessly along with many other delightful characters to create a book that is genuinely laugh-out-loud funny. Buy the book, read it, then try to look at mustard in the same way - it just isn't possible, but until you've read the book you won't know why, will you? Brilliant, simply brilliant! (about 97,000 words) Price: £5.00 Quantity:

Cup Fever - Torquil Cowan Condensed from the same author's "Three Hours: The Grants' Evening Out", "Cup Fever" tells the story of little Wednesford Town Football Club's evening in the spotlight, when they drew mighty Tottenham Hotspur in the Cup. The internal workings of an impoverished lower-league football club may have little in common with the household names from the Premier League, but Wednesford Town might as well be on a different planet.... Their stadium, named Pork Park in honour of the Chairman's lifetime's dedication to the turning of aging pork into almost-edible pies and sausages, is crumbling, weeds grow on the pitch, the trainer makes his own linament and the boardroom serves only tea in crockery that only just qualifies as 'seconds'. Into this environment the visitors' directors come, feeling that they are in an alien world. Then things really start to go awry. Wednesford's star player, Gary Grant, is injured, but has to play anyway. Accidents and fisticuffs mean that the buffet, and an awful lot of tea, ends up on the boardroom carpet. The dimmest player in the team, probably the dimmest in the entire league and who needs to be checked before every match to ensure that he's put his shorts on and his boots are on the right feet, manages to destroy the club's laundry facilities - before the match even starts. Why is it that the Spurs directors arrive, smartly attired, in a helicopter yet leave by train in fancy dress? Why does Gary Grant end the evening clutching a Lutheran Bible and a brown envelope containing £50,000? Why is Grant's agent rushed to hospital after drinking lucozade? The answers to these questions - and many more - are in this side-splittingly funny book - the funniest you'll read this year. (about 19,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

The Grudge Match: Ya Buggers! - Torquil Cowan 'The Grudge Match: Ya Buggers!' is a book about cricket. More specifically, it's about the age-old rivalry between England and Australia which is played out regularly on the cricket pitches of those nations. But this book is set in the English West Midlands. Yes, it features cricketers from England and Australia, but there are players from other countries too drafted in to compete in a specially arranged 'international' to be played at possibly the worst cricket ground on the planet between a team of 'Englishmen', captained by the odious Antony Pottinger - slum landlord and local BNP chairman - and a team from Australia and other former colonies, captained by the equally odious Greg Patterson - one-eyed proud Australian possessed of a glass eye and an incontinent bull terrier. In a gloriously funny tale that's a long way from being 'politically correct' the author pokes fun at many a deserving target; the English suffer more than most at his hands. It's a more than worthy companion to the same author's 'Cup Fever' - both are outrageously funny and highly recommended! (about 20,000 words) Price: £2.50 Quantity:

Joe's New World - Torquil Cowan Joe Soutar, dour ex-patriate Scotsman living in deepest Berkshire, is a dentist - not a very good dentist, it has to be said - and a reluctant husband. But, on just a single day, his despised wife died (in the arms of another), his equally despised father-in-law also met his end and Joe had a little bit of luck on the Lottery. Well, it wasn't really so little. His multi-million pound cheque came with the services of a young lady - a really rather attractive young lady - to help him get used to his new life as a rich man. So Joe, a newly-single skinflint, could add wealth to his list of attributes, which up to that point included only poor (to the point of being dangerous) driving skills and worse, but equally frequently exercised, abilities in the field of D-I-Y home maintenance. The fact that Joe was singlehandedly responsible for the majority of the whisky consumption in Berkshire was, really, not what you could call an attribute. Facing a future that included wealth, his own incompetence at everything - with one notable exception - and an attractive young lady who really did enjoy what every male the world over fantasises about, Joe is all set for a romantic yet hilariously comic life. Read and enjoy! (about 92,000 words) Price: £4.75 Quantity:

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